This week, host Dascha Polanco sits down with JJ Soria (Gentefied) and Julio Macias (On My Block) and they dig deep into a vulnerable conversation about machismo within the Latino community. Did they experience it growing up? Has it shaped the way they live and love in 2020? Come for a candid conversation about gender roles, stay to learn how a prostate cancer scare can turn into a love story.
This week, host Dascha Polanco sits down with JJ Soria (Gentefied) and Julio Macias (On My Block) and they dig deep into a vulnerable conversation about machismo within the Latino community. Did they experience it growing up? Has it shaped the way they live and love in 2020? Come for a candid conversation about gender roles, stay to learn how a prostate cancer scare can turn into a love story.
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Clips from “On My Block” and “Gentefied” courtesy of Netflix.
In collaboration with @ConTodoNetflix, a social community for Latino creators and fans alike to come together and celebrate their #LatinXcellence.
“Brown Love” is produced for Netflix by Futuro Studios.
Dascha Polanco: A warning to listeners: this episode includes descriptions of domestic violence.
Welcome to Brown Love, the show where we get real about all the things Latinx communities are talking about on your timeline. Brought to you by Netflix and Con Todo, I'm your host, Dascha Polanco.
Machismo. Toxic masculinity, we certainly experience our share of it in Latino families. Men are expected to provide for, protect and defend their family. And they can’t be disrespected by no one. But nowadays there’s a real conversation going around about how we can make better men, and escape cycles of toxic behavior. This week I’m joined by JJ Soria from Netflix’s new show “Gente-fied” and Julio Macias from “On my block.” I had a very interesting conversation with them about their experiences with machismo. It’s not an easy topic to discuss, but sometimes pushing through discomfort helps us learn and heal, and honestly, I learned a lot. We kicked the conversation off with Julio revealing his newest project.
Dascha Polanco: And hi Julio.
Julio Macias: Hola.
Dascha Polanco: I love the new haircut.
Julio Macias: Thank you.
Dascha Polanco: It's cute, it's cute. Why did you cut your hair?
Julio Macias: They're doing a wig on me on the show that I'm on right now. So they said..
Dascha Polanco: And what is that show?
Julio Macias: "Selena".
Dascha Polanco: Wow, congratulations.
Julio Macias: Super cool to be on it.
Dascha Polanco: Hurahh, thank you for joining me today. Let's start by saying where you from and how do you identify and we'll start with you and then we'll go to J. J.
Julio Macias: Cool yeah. I am Julio Marcia I was born in Mexico City. I guess I identify as a Chicano. Now that I live here, a lot more in the United States. I did a play called "Mexican Trilogy" with Jose Luis Valenzuela. And that really showed me that even though I have, even though I was born in Mexico City and I have a very strong cultural relation to it. You know, I speak the language like, you know, when I go back there, I feel like I'm home. I feel like I'm home more here in the United States. It just feels, it feels like a warm blanket, you know. And to be able to say Chicano, it's kind of like, it separates you. But it also identifies my experience. You know, not to Mexican, not to American, somewhere in the middle.
JJ Soria: As far as I know, Chicano is. I mean, I always related it to being from L.A. I mean, that's what I am. I'm born and raised in L.A. al sereno, el sereno.
Dascha Polanco: El sereno.
JJ Soria: That's right.
Dascha Polanco: All right. So how old are you?
Julio Macias: I'm twenty nine. I turn 30 on March, in March.
Dascha Polanco: Wow. Aries and whens?
JJ Soria: I'm 68.
Dascha Polanco: You're 68 JJ
JJ Soria: Looking good for the 68.
Dascha Polanco: Yeah, wow.
JJ Soria: No im just..I'm 38. I'm 38.
Dascha Polanco: You 38 JJ. JJ, you look great. Brown don't frown huh? I've been saying that all along.
JJ Soria: Beige don't age, baby, beige don't age.
Dascha Polanco: That's right. And what are you wearing?
Julio Macias: I'm wearing pants, some shoes and a button up shirt.
Dascha Polanco: Yeah, but who are you wearing?
Julio Macias: I think this is a Ted Baker shirt.
Dascha Polanco: So, Julio, you're wearing a Ted Baker shirt and pants.
Julio Macias: And pants.
Dascha Polanco: OK, and JJ, who are you wearing?
JJ Soria: You know what? I was not given that information, so I do not know. I'll just be straight-up honest with you, but I do like it, it's very flattering.
Dascha Polanco: What color is it?
JJ Soria: Huh? It's blue. There's some blue trim in it. And the blue shoes.
Dascha Polanco: And when did you realize you were hot? Julio.
Julio Macias: uhhhhhh right this moment right now, I suppose, that's awkward.. um.
JJ Soria: I'll answer this one, I've been hot since...
Dascha Polanco: JJ when did you realize you hot?
JJ Soria: I've kinda known all my life.
Dascha Polanco: Oh? Great.
JJ Soria: Yeah. I mean, my mom my mom raised me to have confidence.
Dascha Polanco: Wow, so we see where we are here, right? We're aware that we're hot. We're not aware that we're hot. OK. I just did a little exercise with you guys as to what women are asked on a daily basis.
Julio Macias [00:03:31] OK.
Dascha Polanco: Basically, this is what we're asked, right? How old we are? Who are we wearing? And we're like, well, why? Right? What was your experience with that?
Julio Macias: Yeah. Uncomfortable.
Dascha Polanco: Right. It was real uncomfortable.
JJ Soria: Yeah. Especially when you don't know.
Dascha Polanco: But speaking of that, I thought that it was necessary to show that example and speak about how acting and machismo are affecting one another, especially with the roles that you guys are playing. And I wanted to start today by asking both of you what is your definition of macho? And we'll start with you, Julio.
Julio Macias: It's kind of evolved. At first it it seemed like a positive term just because I was around it so much with my uncles and my... It didn't seem like a negative thing. It was just like, just be a man, stand up, you know, hold your own. The older that I got it turned into like this excuse to sort of like...oh, if he's the breadwinner, he can also be an asshole. You know? If this guy can is protecting me, then he can go out and pretty much just say and do whatever he wants because I'm feeling protected. So I don't know. It's... It's it's changing for me.
It used to be like a very like...Ah Yeah! Like a Superman chest. And now it's kind of like not so much Superman chest thing.
Dascha Polanco: And for you, what is the definition of macho JJ?
JJ Soria: I...it's just. I..I think there's strength in being...in having some machismo, I guess. Obviously, I won't be a jerk, but uhh... masculinity.
Dascha Polanco: It's OK there's no right or right answer. You know?
JJ Soria: Yeah, yeah I'm trying to think..
Dascha Polanco: For me macho was macho man growing up... give me a .. of maaacchoo man!!! and I was like oh that's strong! I was a little tomboy, but whatever. Julio. How did you get into acting?
Julio Macias: My dad and grandfather did dubbing in Mexico. So I grew up watching a lot of actors do voiceover for TV and movies into Spanish. And I always thought that was interesting, that you could create a character with just your voice.
Dascha Polanco: Yeah.
Julio Macias: And then that kind of followed me all through life. And I did little things here and there. And it wasn't till high school where I was just like I can make a living out of this if I really dedicate myself, let's go. And yeah, I started studying. And you know...
Dascha Polanco: What is your first thing that you booked? Do you remember?
Julio Macias: Cricket wireless commercial? I think hah! That was the very first thing that I booked.
Dascha Polanco: That's pretty cool. That's like a national commercial.
Julio Macias: Yeah. And then. The second one was funny because I got for the heart association and I said that I played soccer...and don't lie on your resume because, you know?
JJ Soria: You can't play soccer...
Julio Macias: Yeah. The director was so mad at me. He was just like, I need you to hit in the left corner.
Dascha Polanco: Stoppp.
Julio Macias: I'm like, I can kick it!... he's like in the left corner...You said you could play soccer. I was like, I mean I play soccer but I don't PLAY soccer.
Dascha Polanco: You guys don't lie on your resume please.
Julio Macias: Yeah, don't do it.
Dascha Polanco: Do you regret doing that ever?
Julio Macias: I mean, now I know not to lie on my resume... so..
Dascha Polanco: But I got paid.
Julio Macias: but I got paid for that one...
Dascha Polanco: JJ, what about you? How did you get started?
JJ Soria: Long story short, I grew up wanting to be a professional athlete. That dream fell...
Dascha Polanco: What sport?
JJ Soria: Originally I was wanted to play baseball. Baseball and fighting seems to be something I'm really passionate about too. So I'm kind of looking back on it thinking I would've been a fighter. Cause actually my grandfather was a professional fighter. Would always have his license taken away out in the street for fighting on the street.
Dascha Polanco: But what type of fighter?
JJ Soria: Boxing. Boxing. But now I'm more into MMA and all that so.
Dascha Polanco: That's good to know, put it out there. So in case there's a role for fighting, you know, you got to put it out there.
JJ Soria: Yeah yeah yeah. Put It out there. I'm definitely down for athletic roles. So yeah, I took a class in college cause I needed some units, and they said painting, drawing or theater. And I said painting sounds boring, drawing I can't do to save my life, so let's just try a theater class. But my approach is always how you do anything is how you do everything. So I sat up front and I paid attention and I listened to what acting was about creating characters and telling story. And I said, wow, my grandma just always told me stories. Growing up, I used always love stories. I can make a living telling stories? Shit, I'm an actor. If I just put forth the same work ethic that I did towards athleticism towards this, I'll figure the rest out. And I've been very fortunate to be able to make it work, because I know a lot of people out there that put a lot of effort and put everything into and they don't have the success that I've had. So I'm very grateful.
Dascha Polanco: And what was your first role?
JJ Soria: My first role? Oh, shoot my first...the thing that made me sag was a Levi commercial.
Dascha Polanco: God you guys. That's amazing to have that as your first thing.
JJ Soria: Yeah, it was cool.
Dascha Polanco: Look at that, you were modeling jeans?
JJ Soria:I just I played a part, man. I played a part. I had the right look.
Dascha Polanco: You had the write booty for the jeans!
JJ Soria: You know, and it worked out.
Dascha Polanco: That's amazing. all right. Well, I want to hear a little bit about your characters that you've played on Netflix. And we're going to start with you Julio and talk about Spooky, and a little bit about him, and how machismo is related to him.
Julio Macias: So spooky is the big bad of "On My Block." Essentially he, he runs the Santos, you know. And he kind of, he makes money a certain way, but also keeps the neighborhood protected, and, you know, safe at least for his own community.
OMB CLIP HERE
And I mean machismo is just spray painted all over him. You know, it's it's just it's how he saw, you know, other people survive. And you know, once the parents were gone, it was just him and his little brother. And he, something came over him where he just had to take over and he had to protect this little..but he's a kid himself. So what do you do? You toughen up? You know.
JJ Soria: I was just about to say that like, we talked what is machismo and everything. Thinking back on it, a lot of guys who are actually sensitive we're a macho because they're using that front to mask their vulnerability. So it’s like hey what’s up foool..you want someth…you get all hard because on the inside you're just like an oreo, you know what I'm saying, you think you're hard on the outside but soft on the inside.
Dascha Polanco: Interesting
Julio Macias: And I mean like yeah, Spooky wanted to be a cook, you know, growing up when he was still like sheltered by his parents or, you know, semi sheltered by his parents. When he left he's just like, well that's out, you know, and he just goes in. And you see like little bits and pieces where he softens up. But immediately when something goes down, boom, right back up. And it's almost like a...second, like it's a second nature that he just throws that wall up constantly. So, yeah, machismo. Look it up. And it's Spooky.
Dascha Polanco: Definition. Noun
JJ Soria: It's the picture hahah.
Julio Macias: It’s the picture exactly.
Dascha Polanco: Great. And for you, JJ? Cause I know that you're now playing the role of Eric on "Gentefied." Tell us a little bit about Eric.
JJ Soria: He is a high school dropout, but educated on his own by going to the library and reading books. Helps his grandfather run his taco shop. Mama Fenas has been there for 30 years, over 30 years so it's a staple of the community. And uhm I mean, I'm helping out the family, right? Family first.
GENTEFIED CLIP HERE
His priority is to be there for his grandfather, be for the family. And he has a baby on the way. So he's trying to balance out...his family. The family at the restaurant, the family he's creating. He's trying to figure out how to how to balance both, and give both the same amount of energy and commitment.
Dascha Polanco: So how is machismo...
JJ Soria: Related to that?
Dascha Polanco: How is he affected by that? Is he macho? Is he not?
JJ Soria: I would say I would say he he is, but it's not. It's not what you see. You see...his moments of machismo are like, when he's working through it on his own. Does that make any sense?
Dascha Polanco: Yeah
JJ Soria: There's moments in the show where you see him trying to trying to battle that and work through it.
JJ Soria: He's connected to his baby momma, and what she's going through and decisions that she has to make in her life.
Dascha Polanco: And relationships?
JJ Soria: Yeah, and their relationship.
GENTEFIED CLIP HERE
He's familiar with toxic masculinity and so he's aware of his own. So I think being aware is is the big difference.
Dascha Polanco: So we see a contrast between your character and your character, because even though he's affiliated, what are the things that you feel that describe him as macho.
Julio Macias: Yeah. He asserts physical dominance. He uses language to intimidate and, you know, demean everyone around him so that he is very much the alpha male in any room. Or he tries to be, but yeah, I think that he very much...he he knows that it's a weapon. He knows that it's a very strong, powerful weapon if you use it. And he uses it.
Dascha Polanco: He uses it. Do you think this is a learned behavior, or something that people are born with it?
Julio Macias: Learned.
Dascha Polanco: Learned.
JJ Soria: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: You know, we're all actors here and we know that when we play a role, at times it affects our outside life. Right? How do these characters affect you? Whether they're positive or negative. Do you learn from the character? For example, for you, apparently he's the opposite, right? Of what macho is. He's more of like you said, like he's more sensitive.
JJ Soria: But he's definitely I think he's respected amongst the cholos and stuff out on the streets to where...like I can carry myself around those groups. But at the same time, like I said he's aware of the sensitive side and those feelings as well.
Dascha Polanco: So does that impact your work outside like or your daily life outside?
JJ Soria: I am that guy. I am. I am both a machismo and a sensitive guy. I mean, me playing Eric is JJ as that. That's how I act. I don't...I just play for real..
Dascha Polanco: So for you, it's it's been something more of the experience of both throughout. And for you, Julio?
Julio Macias: Yeah, so growing up with my mom and my sister. It was a very like feminine energy, I suppose, in the room. And so I always learned how to be...whether it's right or wrong, I always kind of gave everyone the word first. And, you know, kept myself for a second. And, you know, a lot of please and thank you. That's also a very Mexican thing where we say like disculpa, you know, part of me is like, why are you apologizing? I'm just telling you something, you know?
And Spooky really just gave me a sort of different attitude and confidence of sometimes you just need to be firm. You can, you can be firm without being disrespectful. You know? That was something that I didn't know.
Dascha Polanco: So it's not necessarily like a toxic thing. It's more so you learned how to kind of like find a medium, a balance of confidence, right? Where you still hold your values. But you still kind of like withdrew that sense of, it's OK to be stern at times. And not necessarily mean that your macho when your stern at things.
Julio Macias: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: Interesting. I didn't think about that.
MUSIC BUMP
Let's talk, a little bit, about machismo in your lives. Right? And for both of you, I want you to talk about, a little of your experience within your family growing up? And the role you took? And we could start with you, JJ, because I feel like...
JJ Soria: What do you got? What do you feel?
Dascha Polanco: I don't know.
JJ Soria: What do you feel? Tell me what you feel.
Dascha Polanco: I don't assume. I don't assume. I don't assume. But I want to hear a little bit more about...
JJ Soria: Oh you assume.
Dascha Polanco: No, I don't. No, I don't.
JJ Soria: What?
Dascha Polanco: I want to hear a little bit about were toxic men a part of your upbringing?
JJ Soria: It's. Hmm. How do I answer that question? I mean, I come from. Look, we're going to get right into it. My my father...
Dascha Polanco: Open forum this is safe.
JJ Soria: Well it is what it is. My father hit my mother and I seen it happen when I was younger. My my birth father used to hit my mother. And one time that I did...and I adored my father. My my father was...uhhhh. And when...at a very young age, I was like four years old. And it's actually crazy that I remember, when I seen him hit her. That's how impactful that moment was. I just, I wanted no relation to him after that moment. So it played a big part, even to me, I guess, even to me this day. I think maybe a part...I've even thought about how...how does...how does that affect me in relationships? Do I have that in me? Yeah. Is that is that a part of me? And how I don't want to ever to be like that? You know what I'm saying?
Dascha Polanco: I don't mean to interrupt you, but do you not speak to your father?
JJ Soria: No. I haven't seen my father since I was 18. And I hadn't seen him before that since I was five. And I haven't seen him since.
Dascha Polanco: Have you forgiven your father?
JJ Soria: Well, you saw how I acted when you asked me that, right? I went oooahh, so there's something...I definitely feel some type of way. He hit my mother.
Dascha Polanco: I mean, if you if you told me that you didn't want to see your father after that, from the point that you witnessed that, then it makes sense that you felt some kind of emotion, not a happy emotion?
JJ Soria: Yeah. Yeah
Dascha Polanco: When you adored him once to the extreme of not wanting to see him.
JJ Soria: Mm hmm.
Dascha Polanco: Do you have resentment towards your father?
JJ Soria: I do not know. That's the honest answer.
Dascha Polanco: When we speak about things about machismo and in our Latin community. You know, violence in the household is not only physical. It's also verbal. It could also be the behavior, mental. So I wanted to speak a little about violence, and how it has influenced you both. Right? And I hear your experience with that JJ and I want to hear a little bit about that with you Julio? If you've ever witnessed that or have had any type of...
Julio Macias: Physical violence? No, but I was aware of microaggressions. Everywhere from, you know, my father to my mother or even my grandfather to my mother and his wife. Where it was just like these little quips that kind of short ended the female narrative, all growing up. At least that's how I perceived it. And so moving on, I mean, I sometimes fall into it. You know, I'll have a conversation or we'll be in a table and then Shannon will be speaking. And then I suddenly just start blurting out while she's in the middle of the conversation. And she'll remind me later, like hey you you did it again.
JJ Soria: Mm hmm.
Dascha Polanco: But blurting out, like how?
Julio Macias: I think it's because I speak for her. She feels like I speak for... a shared experience is now... well we were... Well, what happened was,.
JJ Soria: Yeah yeah yeah.
Dascha Polanco: Oh, I see.
JJ Soria: That's something different.
Dascha Polanco: So after she says a story you'll.
Julio Macias: I'll redact it or I'll jump on it.
JJ Soria: This is what really happen!
Julio Macias: Exactly. And so I notice those little things.
JJ Soria: It's not your...you don't claim it as your perspective. You claim it as THE perspective.
Julio Macias: As the narrative.
JJ Soria: As the narrative yeah.
JJ Soria: Instead of it being her and then me, and how he saw it differently, I was like, no, this is how it was.
Dascha Polanco: That's kind of annoying.
Julio Macias: Yeah.
MUSIC BUMP
JJ Soria: I'm learning about myself through this conversation.
Dascha Polanco: Really?
Dascha Polanco: I'm glad I'm doing that.
JJ Soria: Yeah, going off topic here, but like I've never understood the big feminist movement right now. Because I was always raised by a strong woman. The strong figure in my house was my mother. So that's, I mean, and she taught me, she would she would teach me to be tough and be strong and be sensitive at the same time.
Dascha Polanco: That’s amazing. And for you, Julio, growing up? The role you took in your household? You grew up in an all female house hold?
Julio Macias: Well, no, no. My dad was very much in the picture. He was just always in business. So he was out of the house constantly. I remember, really when we all moved here to the United States. That's when, I kind of, I remember my dad really fitting into the picture and being very present. I think for me, it was more when I started growing up and and, you know, hanging out...what you call locker talk, guy talk and stuff like that? It does happen. And it is just a normal conversation sometimes. It doesn't always have to be this degrading thing. It's just guys talking with guys. Right?
And what I did notice that, that the conversations that I would have with my friends were very varied from the ones that I would have with like my primos or my tios or my tios would have with each other. Right? Where it was very like blatant, the views that they had. And again, these are good people. These aren't like assholes that are walking around just like thinking constantly, like screw women, you know.
But they they do say a lot of things, you know. Like, "it's not a crime to see, to watch," like if a woman passes and it's like "ohh me....oh it's not a crime to watch, I'm not doing anything, I'm just checking out, you know?” And that was something that I saw very differently when my mom kind of like talked about it. She's just like, do you think your sister? Like you think you want people to think that about your sister? I was like no. But at the same time, like, you know, my sister did it like attention. You know so...
Dascha Polanco: It's so interesting because it's a constant... as I hear you guys speak. And my experience as a woman with machismo and how I feel about it. It's like we know we know being macho is and machismo is. We know what it is. But what is our experience with it? It can be different. Right? For me, machismo within a household is, for me, it's when there's no equality amongst the two individuals. Right?
JJ Soria: OK.
Dascha Polanco: There's a partnership and there should be an egalitarian relationship where it's 50/50.
Julio Macias: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: There's no superiority. There's no sense of like, I...you do as I say. It doesn't work that way.
JJ Soria: Nah No.
Dascha Polanco: It's OK for us to cook, and you wash the dishes or vis rolls, roll switch. It's OK for you to feel like I need to cry about this. It's OK for you to be sensitive. It's OK. Like, I feel like the freedom of expression should be equal.
JJ Sora: Period.
Dascha Polanco: Period. Like whether you're a man or woman, it's OK for you to go out there and feel it. I want to. I don't like that.
Julio Macias: I feel like one thing that that for sure was very, like that right now. Just cut you off. But that's something that I saw very much in Mexico, where it was...my parents, they very much decide the things equally. And I saw that. But a lot of times I remember the last word or the decision, like everyone's talking about something, and then the man makes the decision. Or like, we're all ready to go, everybody's ready to go, but it's not until the man says that we're ready to go, that everybody gets up and they're ready to go. So that was just something that I noticed when I would go back over there. That doesn't happen...I mean, it happens here, but not as prevalently?
Dascha Polanco: Yeah.
Julio Macias: So when I was growing up around it, I didn't think of it as like a thing, until later. Until like I go, I went back and I still see it.
Dascha Polanco: I'm learning as well here with you guys. To hear like the different perspectives of this topic, I wanted to talk about how do you feel in a space when you have to be vulnerable. Because I have issues with vulnerability and I'm a woman.
JJ Soria: I can take that one. That one I got.
Dascha Polanco: I want you both to take it. So you can start JJ.
JJ Soria: Oh excuse me, I'll start with that one. I've realized just being vulnerable in a character is easy for me because I do it in life. I'm open and honest. I don't. You could judge me. It's fine. You know? I'm OK with that because I know who I am. Right? So the more honest you are with yourself about who you are and your flaws and what shortcomings or what not. Being vulnerable is easier. That's been my experience.
Dascha Polanco: Because for me, vulnerability is when I feel vulnerable, I feel weak. It's like I cannot be vulnerable, this is so uncomfortable, I got to go out of here, I got to go somewhere else. You know, for me, it's always like I have to be protected and feel most comfortable when I'm strong. When it's not like, I can't tell somebody I need help. You know what I mean? Like me? Hell no. I do my own thing. I'm independent. You know, and at times if.. I'm learning now that it's OK at times to be like. Yes, please.
JJ Soria: Well, you know what that is, that's your ego.
Dascha Polanco: You think it's ego?
JJ Soria: Yeah. Yeah. When it's your ego trying to protect itself. Ego isn't a bad word. Ego, it's like, we all have an ego.
Dascha Polanco: Yes.
JJ Soria: It's a matter of having a balanced ego or, a solid ego? I wanna say strong ego.
Dascha Polanco: A balanced, just yeah. When you're able to draw from both. Yes. I have to agree with you.
JJ Soria: You got it.
Dascha Polanco: I never thought about that. That's interesting.
JJ Soria: So I challenge myself, whenever I feel, let's say when my machismo may kick in, and say, a woman telling me something about myself saying I'm sensitive or something. I'll be like, huh well you know I ain't sensitive. But then I'll go, no no no let's check in, let's check in maybe, maybe she's right. Maybe you are coming from a place of this. And I’ll make sure that I'll address it, Because I want to understand. I seek understanding. And then let's say she's right. I'll be like, you know what? You're right. That’s me...that was triggered by some part of me. And, you know, I'll be vulnerable and open about whatever that is. Does that make sense?
Dascha Polanco: Yeah, it makes perfect sense.
Julio Macias: Yeah, definitely.
Dascha Polanco: And for you, Julio?
Julio Macias: It's kind of like you. But instead of acting strong, I just act kind of chill or whatever. So my my life in general is very much take a back step assess the situation and then do what I gotta do. I give everything on stage or on the camera because at those moments, I allow that person, me, to really feel all those emotions that sometimes I'm just kind of like, no, I'm good right now.
Dascha Polanco: You're like, all right. I'll use the stage. I use the stage as well for my vulnerability. In front of cameras when I could like play with the vulnerability because they don't know it's me. Right? It's a two way to protect it.
BROWN LOVE SECTION INTRO
JJ Soria: Brown love.
Dascha Polanco: Brown love.
Julio Macias: Brown love.
JJ Soria: Can we all just do it one time? one, two, three.
all three: Brown Love
Dascha Polanco: And JJ, you might recognize it because it's a podcast on "Gentefied." And it is two Chicanas from the L.A. area talk about life and love in the Latinx community. And we thought we ask you a little bit about your love lives. Are you down?
JJ Soria: WHEW
Dascha Polanco: OK, see you're a lover. You're a lover. Lover.
JJ Soria: OK, let's go.
Dascha Polanco: What's your what's your relationship status Julio?
Julio Macias: Married.
Dascha Polanco: You're married?
Julio Macias: Mm hmm.
Dascha Polanco: And for you, JJ
JJ Soria: I'm very happily single.
Dascha Polanco: OK.
JJ Soria: Yes. And I, I enjoy my time.
Dascha Polanco: You enjoy your time?
JJ Soria: I enjoy my time being single.
Dascha Polanco: OK, well, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm going to ask you guys.. But first, I want to hear something like, you know, a little little hot stuff like DM slides. I want to hear about your DM slides.
JJ Soria: You want to hear about my DM slides. They're fun.
Dascha Polanco: Are they?
JJ Soria: Yeah, they're fun. They're very fun.
Dascha Polanco: They haven't even begun.
JJ Soria: I know.
Dascha Polanco: Anything you can say?
JJ Soria: What can I say? What can I say? What do you want to hear?
Dascha Polanco: I wanna know just one, one experience with DM slide.
JJ Soria: I...There has been a female...so interested in sharing a piece of life with me that they've flown from other parts of the world on their own dime.
Dascha Polanco: Really?
Julio Macias: OK.
Dascha Polanco: OK.
Julio Macias: OK.
JJ Soria: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: That's like impressive. I thought you was gonna tell me like oh they like flash me. I’m like okay well we get that all the time.
JJ Soria: No no no, I just had a girl recently fly from Sweden to come see me.
Dascha Polanco: OK. Well, well, well, I guess JJ is on that uhh he got that that that special stuff.
JJ Soria: Well, you know you know what I have? Is I have transparency, I have honesty, I have confidence.
Dascha Polanco: Okay, what about you Julio? For you that you have a serious relationship, I want you to tell me a 30 second love story, whether it's like the first kiss, something cute, something cinematic. It doesn't matter.
Julio Macias: 30...
Dascha Polanco: Come on Julio, your wife is listening to us. Get some points. Get some. 30 seconds.
Julio Macias: I...we were in Colorado and it was really cold. And I thought I had ass cancer, and I went to the doctor and I was freaking out, and I was worried about it.
Dascha Polanco: Are you serious?
Julio Macias: Yeah. And I was just like, yeah, there's something there. And then they checked it and it ended up just being a hernia.
JJ Soria: Thank goodness.
Julio Macias: I told my wife that I love her so much and I asked her to marry me because I didn't want to die without marrying her.
JJ Soria: Oh, shit.
Dascha Polanco: Wow. You're going to get some, you're going to get an ass massage when you get one. Wow get your prostate checked, guys.
All right, now let's let's get a little serious here when it comes to romance and love and brown love and what it is growing up. What was it for you? In comparison from your parents? Whatever your situation is now, Julio, compare it for me. I want to hear a little bit about that.
Julio Macias: Cool. Yeah. So my wife is white. Shannon Schotter. And it's interesting because it really never, it never came up. There was never a conversation. My parents, you know, like my grandmother sometimes is like when she can learn Spanish. Like whenever she wants to learn Spanish, it's you know, it's on her, you know? But besides that, my my parents really just embraced her. There wasn't ever like, would you want to date like a Mexicana or something? It was just whatever, you know? And then same for, for her, you know, she's the youngest of seven daughters. So by the time that I came along, the parents were like, your tight. You're good.
Dascha Polanco: Yeah. Actually do that. Actually they give you high fives.
Julio Macias: Yeah. High fives yeah. Yeah pretty much. Pretty much it…
Dascha Polanco: How was their love relationship versus your love relationship? Like what you witnessed with them?
Julio Macias: So me and my wife are friends, but we're not best friends. You know, like she has her best friends. I have my best friend. And we're each other's partners. We love each other. But my parents are best friends.
Dascha Polanco: Whaaatttt
Julio Macias: They grew up together. You know, they were they were friends in elementary school, they separated. And then they got married when they were much older. So their relationship is just like super friendly and super buddy. And again, I could spend days with my with my wife talking stuff like that. But it's it's different. It's a lot more. Amorous. Me and my wife, like, we're very like touchy feely. You know...
JJ Soria: Affectionate.
Julio Macias: Affectionate, and my parents are, they're affectionate in their own way. But they can go off and argue like best friends.
JJ Soria: I get what you're saying.
Dascha Polanco: That's pretty amazing. That’s a beautiful thing. I think that it would be healthy for me, and the balance that I need to find in my household is that there's a equal thing because I want to tell you something.
JJ Soria: True.
Dascha Polanco: I like my door being held. I like for you to open my door. I like to feel that I'm with a man. And that means a man for me is like we are both mentally and emotionally expressive. And we both respect each other and we have equality to do what we want to do within the limits. Right? With respect to one another, like I'm OK being independent and also having a man that wants to carry my bags. And there's times that I could say, let me help you.
JJ Soria: See? OK. Let's talk about that.
Julio Macias: That's a new balance that you have to find. Cause it's between...it's like opening the door and some people will be happy at you. And it's like I can get my own door. I wasn't doing it cause I didn't think you could get. Sorry.
Dascha Polanco: Some people were very resistant.
JJ Soria: Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry.
Dascha Polanco: And you know what? That's when we speak about sensitivity and what you're speaking about, I think there's a point where. Finding ying and yang, You need the ying you need the yang.
JJ Soria: Yeah, yeah.
Dascha Polanco: You can't just have ying. You can you can't be out there being like I'm super sensitive because it's it's a tough world out there. They will swallow you alive. You have to find a balance where you're like, hey, I'm I have some empathy for you, but I also have my beliefs and this is what I believe. And as long as I'm respecting you and you respect me, we're cool.
Julio Macias: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: You know what I mean?
Julio Macias: I'm not a hard spoken person. You know, again, I'm very much.
Dascha Polanco: Yeah.
Julio Macias: like let's figure this out. And I think that with my wife, I have a very equal thing. But it's been, it happened the other day where it was just, she's like I need you to call these guys and I need you to be stern Julio. And I need you to talk to them, because no matter how many times I call them, they're not getting this shit done. I need you to do it.
Dascha Polanco: You got to be a man honey.
Julio Macias: So I step in, I do it and I hang up, and there like yeah we'll be there at 3:00, and I I hang up and I'm like, I feel like shit for doing that.
JJ Soria: You went spooky on them.
Julio Macias: I went spooky on them. You know? I went Julio-Spooky on them. But that's strange because it's like for me, I'm like you had it handled. But she's like, I thought I had it handled. The world doesn't think that I have it handled. And now you got to step in and do that, and do this thing like now the angry man calls. Right? And now things get done. Right?
Dascha Polanco: It's so funny cause in the relationships that I've been. I'm the one that calls because I grew up, my mom didn't know a lot of English. So since I was little, I had to call for her and do everything which I hated at the time. And I'm like, I'm so glad that she did that to me because now I know how to call and do what I gotta do. You know what I mean? So now in my previous relationships, I'm like, just gimme the phone. Just give me the damn phone. I need...You know? And then I handle it. I'm like, this is how you do it.
JJ Soria: I remember my mom having those conversations. I was having a conversation with her about those conversations back, I go mom you used to get a bunch of free stuff or like get things like credits or whatever, because she got on the phone and be like ladadadada. But she was stern about what she wanted, and she had that voice. So in regards to...
Julio Macias: Finding the balance...
JJ Soria: Yeah finding the balance. I feel like, I've been in situations where I feel some type of way. Where I have no problem opening the door, and doing things like that if it's happening organic. And...But if I'm going to do that and expect you, I expect you to open up the door for me on this side too. Like open it. It's about compromise. I’m about, I am about equality. I think women should get paid just as much as men. I think that women...
Dascha Polanco: Like for me, if you have a whole bunch of boxes. I'm not gonna sit here saying well open the door for me. I think that that's ridiculous. Like like you carrying all my damn bags. Obviously, I'm gonna open the door for you. You know what I mean? It's not about being one way to the extreme. It's about finding what truly...the definition. What makes you feel most comfortable with, as long as you have clear communication, and there's true equality, whatever that means. Then I respect your situation. You know what I mean?
Julio Macias: Yeah.
JJ Soria: Yeah.
Dascha Polanco: It was so nice talking to you guys, first of all.
Julio Macias: Likewise.
Dascha Polanco: Amazing. Very proud of you. Wish you the best.
JJ Soria: Pourd of you too
Dascha Polanco: It’s been amazing talking to you both. And I wanted to end it by doing a brindis. And by you guys sending one wish or an affirmation to our latin community. I’ll give you the honors Mr. JJ if you could open that up and pour it out.
Julio Macias: Por arriba, por abajo, por al centro, por dentro?
JJ Soria: Well ladies first aight?
Dascha Polanco: Okay, I like that.
JJ Soria: Ah shit, my mom taught me something right.
Dascha Polanco: Thank you very much.
JJ Soria: To us, to our people that we keep growing and learning.
Julio Macias: That we stay together and we stay respectful.
Dascha Polanco: To staying together, to growing and learning.
JJ Soria: There we go.
Dascha Polanco: Thank you.
JJ Soria: Thank you.
Julio Macias: That's yummy.
Dascha Polanco: This show was produced by Netflix and Con Todo in partnership with Futuro Studios. If you like what you heard be sure to rate and subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. And don’t forget to follow @contodonetflix on Instagram and Twitter for all things latinxcellence on Netflix. Join me next week for an episode about self care and finding your magic. I’ve been your host Dascha Polanco, hasta la próxima mi gente.