This week, host Dascha Polanco sits down with a couple of class clowns Oscar Nuñez (The Office, Mr. Iglesias), and Carlos Santos (Gentefied). They joke, they finish each other’s sentences, they discuss bilingual comedy... and just how cringe-worthy political candidates have been trying to win the Latino vote by speaking Spanish in the 2020 election race.
This week, host Dascha Polanco sits down with a couple of class clowns Oscar Nuñez (The Office, Mr. Iglesias), and Carlos Santos (Gentefied). They joke, they finish each other’s sentences, they discuss bilingual comedy... and just how cringe-worthy political candidates have been trying to win the Latino vote by speaking Spanish in the 2020 election race.
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Clips from “Gentefied,” “Mr. Iglesias,” and “The Office” courtesy of Netflix; all available to stream on Netflix now!
This episode also includes clips from various news outlets.
In collaboration with @ConTodoNetflix, a social community for Latino creators and fans alike to come together and celebrate their #LatinXcellence.
“Brown Love” is produced for Netflix by Futuro Studios.
[Music]
Dascha: Welcome to Brown Love, the show where we get real about all the things Latinx communities are talking about on your timeline, brought to you by Netflix and Con Todo. I’m your host, Dascha Polanco.
[Music]
Dascha: Personally, I really respect comedians. As an actor, I know what it's like to put myself out there. But it's a whole other rush when you're doing stand-up or improv and you need to get those immediate laughs. I mean, comedic timing, your delivery, you can't be corny. For today's episode, I sat down with the hilarious Carlos Santos, who plays Chris on Netflix's Gentefied, and Oscar Nuñez, who you know from Netflix's Mr. Iglesias and, fan-favorite, The Office. And these guys couldn't stop joking around.
[Music]
Dascha: Buenos días.
Oscar: Good morning.
Carlos: Thank you so much for calling my name first.
Dascha: Oh, okay. How do you feel about that, Oscar?
Oscar: I've learned to live with it. We live in an age where the youth are taking over and demand attention, attention, attention. Don't touch my walker. Please, leave that alone. Kid's messing with my walker because I'm old.
Carlos: Because you're older.
Oscar: That's the bit.
Carlos: Because you're older, and he can't walk as well.
Dascha: But brown don't frown.
Carlos: Brown don't frown but the hips don't lie.
Oscar: I was going to say we're like different shades, but we're close. But we are a little different in our shades.
Carlos: Forget him, Dascha. Forget him.
Dascha: We are different. Look at that.
Carlos: Because when our powers combine, you know what I mean?
Oscar: Is this Caribbean?
Dascha: Where are you from?
Oscar: Cuba.
Carlos: What's happening?
Dascha: You're Cuban? Where are you from?
Oscar: He's Puerto Rico.
Carlos: What's Puerto Rico?
Dascha: And I'm Dominican. We're the trinidad.
Oscar: We are.
Carlos: We are cousins. We are cousins by law.
Dascha: We're cousins.
Carlos: In L.A., we're cousins.
Oscar: The Holy Trinity of salsa and merengue.
Dascha: That's right. So, Carlos, Oscar.
Oscar: Dascha.
Dascha: Yes.
Carlos: Yeah.
Dascha: Being that you're Cuban, Puerto Rican, I'm Dominican, how do you identify Latinx, Hispanic?
Oscar: Tween super model.
Carlos: Yeah.
Oscar: Okay.
Carlos: You went for it.
Oscar: Whatever it is, it's a title to make it easier for people to identify who you are. It just makes it easier for them. But, I think, it doesn't take too long to say, "Hey, what are you, Dominican? That's beautiful. Hey, what are you, Cuban? That's beautiful. You're Puerto Rican? That's great." Because, if you go to a Scottish man or an Irish man or a guy from Wales, "Hey, you're English." They go, "No, I'm not English. I’m Scottish. I’m Ireland." And people are, oh, fascinated.
Dascha: That's right.
Oscar: Welsh, Irish. So why can't we be Puerto Rican, Dominican, Bolivian, whatever you are? Take the time to figure out what it is. But, again, getting back to the thing which is it's making it easier for the lowest common denominator of person to go, "Oh, you're brown. I guess you're Latino." Why did I do that accent?
Carlos: I don't know.
Oscar: Now people are gonna—
Carlos: What was that?
Oscar: Now we're going to get letters.
Dascha: That's stereotypical.
Oscar: That's wrong.
Dascha: It's wrong.
Oscar: That's wrong.
Carlos: That's right.
Dascha: It's wrong.
Carlos: Well, we live and we learn.
Oscar: But that's the thing. So, whatever it is now, tell me because I don't know what's happening, whether it's Hispanic or Latino.
Dascha: Well, I think that we had to—
Oscar: It's Latinx. Educate me because I'm old. I don't know.
Dascha: I think that being in America, coming from a Latin country, I think that where you grow up, right, whether East Coast or West Coast, for me, East Coast, you would just say where you're from. Right?
Carlos: That's right.
Dascha: And we developed these terms so that the non-Latino culture understands these subdivisions of Latinos and how we embrace. I've had to use the term, now, Afro-Latina so that they know that I embrace my African roots, my Taino roots, my European, because we come from islands. Right? Do I use it? I use it when I'm speaking to the audience. Myself, I just say I'm Dominican. So, on that term, Dominican, Puerto Rican.
Oscar: Right.
Carlos: Yeah.
Dascha: Cuban. Right?
Carlos: Yeah.
Dascha: But, speaking of that and being from the industry that we are and so many, like, political conversations and identity and the stereotypes, how has that affected the roles and what you're doing now, as far as, like, the roles you're able to play?
Oscar: Carlos will answer for me.
Carlos: I will say that Oscar's career has really been really successful. And he's gotten some really great opportunities starting in the mid-2000s. And I feel like that's really opened up a lot of doors for him. Now, for me, it's been a, it's been a journey.
Dascha: It's been a journey?
Carlos: It's been a journey, yeah.
Dascha: Tell me about—
Carlos: Because I think that it's easier to get pigeonholed as a minority, obviously. So you have to always fight the good fight.
Dascha: That's right. Your role, the character of Chris on Gentefied, tell me a little about that and playing that role and the opportunity to play that.
Carlos: So Chris, he is—he's in an interesting position because he's got to figure out what's going to be more important, if it's going to be career or family, because he's kind of set in a place where his family's kind of struggling. His grandfather owns a taco shop that runs the danger of losing it because of, like, the rent is going up, gentrification.
[Scene from Gentefied]
Dascha: Is it gentrification or gentefication?
Carlos: Well, the show—well, gentefication, to be clear, is when it doesn't—when it comes from the people from the community. So it's set in Boyle Heights, so the idea of gentrification, of when somebody from the outside comes in, buys out property, and then upsells everything. Gentefication is people that go out, become professionals, and come back. And, so, it's a delicate balance because I think the important thing is erasure, and a lot of people are uncomfortable with gentrification because it's very easy to lose the history of the place, the people, and all that stuff. So it's a—you know, that's basically what the show is about. And my character wants to be a big-time chef, right. He wants to do it all. He wants to be a Michelin-starred chef. But he's kind of caught in the middle because he has to help his family out. And, so, that's the, kind of, the struggle. And he actually grew up, the character Chris, grew up in—he grew up Boyle Heights for a little bit. And, then he left to, to go to Idaho. He went to Idaho. He went to—
Dascha: To grow potatoes to be a chef.
Carlos: Yes. Yeah. So he came back. So now he's struggling, also, with identity.
[Scene from Gentefied]
Dascha: Amazing.
Carlos: He got a little—
Dascha: But that must be a good opportunity.
Carlos: ...gringo upbringing.
Dascha: It's like a reflective. Right?
Carlos: Yeah, totally. I don't feel like I belong.
Dascha: Yes. Right now. Okay.
Carlos: Oh, my God.
Dascha: And it's funny that, that we're speaking about that in front of Mr. Oscar because Mr. Oscar—
Oscar: I grow potatoes?
Dascha: You grow potatoes.
Oscar: Where are you going with this, Dascha?
Dascha: I'm going with this that you've been an image for us in the Latin community. You work on Office, you know. That was a run for how long?
Oscar: We were nine seasons. Nine really wonderful, fun seasons.
Dascha: How was that? How was the experience?
Carlos: Oh, so fun.
Oscar: Yeah. And, thanks to Netflix, it's made a resurgence. Kids are watching it. It's crazy because it's on all the time now. So kids are watching.
Dascha: My niece is 11, and she watches. She's obsessed with Office.
Oscar: Yeah, no. It's crazy. They watch it again and again and again.
[Scene from The Office]
Oscar: And, for me it's like when I used to watch Cheers or Mary Tyler Moore or Seinfeld. I’m like, oh that's—when the kids see me, and they, like, they go crazy. I'm like, "Why are they?" I’m like, "Oh, right." You did the same thing when you watched—that's what it is for them. TV's huge, huge, huge in our culture.
Dascha: But how is that role different, in The Office, to now being the assistant principal in Netflix's Mr. Iglesias?
Oscar: Oh, it's different. We have—Mr. Iglesias is a—it's in front of an audience.
Carlos: Multi-cam.
Oscar: Multi-cam. Thank you. It's a multi-cam, so you have to stop for the laughs, which is weird. Right? You have to say the line, and they just stare at you while the people laugh at anything we say.
Dascha: Kind of like what we're doing now.
Oscar: But The Office is more like—it was just more like a play stuff. And Gabe comes with a huge fanbase that adore him. So they come in, and they just love to see him. So you have to adjust for that.
[Scene from Mr. Iglesias]
[Music]
Dascha: How did you guys start off in comedy?
Oscar: We started together.
Carlos: We started together. We were in a team.
Oscar: We had—in Hoboken, New Jersey, we, we had a ventriloquist act.
Carlos: We were touring Hoboken in '73?
Oscar: '73, September.
Carlos: Yeah, that was it.
Dascha: At—the dates, the dates—
Oscar: And, then, we broke off because his drug was too much for me.
Carlos: I can't handle aspirin. I can't handle aspirin.
Oscar: The taking of—he would take so much aspirin.
Carlos: I'm crazy. Crazy.
Oscar: And we broke up, and I said, "Get out of here, you."
Carlos: Yeah. And I hope to see you in 20 years.
Oscar: And, then, we saw each other here, and we just picked up right where we left off. I think, Dascha, you wanted us to say how did we start?
Dascha: Yeah.
Oscar: You were stand up. I started—
Carlos: I did a little—I started off doing theater and stand up and improv all at the same time.
Oscar: That's crazy. Pick one.
Carlos: Well, now I can't. I can't choose.
Oscar: At the same—you were doing stand up and theater at the same time?
Carlos: Yeah.
Oscar: How did the other actors feel on stage when you would start doing stand up in the middle of a play, Carlos?
Carlos: Oh, they handled it.
Dascha: On Broadway.
Carlos: Yeah. Well, not yet. No, well, how did I start? I always wanted to do comedy. I think this is—
Oscar: When do you plan to start? Hello!
Carlos: Hello! Here we are. This is why broke up.
Oscar: We love each other.
Carlos: This is why broke up. This is why we broke up. This is why we broke up.
Dascha: It takes a lot of bravery, though, to decide to be comedic at this world because I'm the, I'm the one that loves to be entertained, like comedy shows, improv shows, sketch shows. Those are the type of things that I like to attend, right? You escape your life, make fun of things, make light of things or serious things. So, like, for you, when did you realize that that's the path you would like to take? At what point did you decide that?
Carlos: I think I was like 15 when I said, "Oh, this could be a career." I always wanted to do comedy. I’m kind of fortunate because I always wanted to do that. I was never, like, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I just didn't realize you could get paid.
Oscar: What made you like—what, what made you say, "I want to do this?" Who did you—
Carlos: I think it was Jim Carrey at some point in the '90s where I was like, "Oh, this guy is—
Oscar: You guys are so young.
Carlos: ...got a career." And, then, Will Smith, obviously, Fresh Prince.
Oscar: Obviously.
Carlos: These were the—obviously, you know, that's a big influence. So, for me, those were probably—there's a long list of people that have influenced me. But those were the first one's where I was like, "Oh, I think you can actually have a job doing this thing that I've been doing for free." So, then, I went to college at The Theater, and I got to Second City. Then I moved to L.A. So everything was just—like, after that decision, it was just like one—
Dascha: Everything was just—
Carlos: Yeah, just kind of like—
Dascha: That's amazing. And what about for you, Oscar?
Oscar: I feel so old.
Dascha: Don't you worry. You know what? We're in a—
Oscar: We came—I’m kidding. It's fine. It's fine.
Carlos: He's okay.
Oscar: We were in Massachusetts. Had been here a couple years. I was like four or five, and we're watching The Carol Burnett Show, my dad and I. And there was an actor, his name is Harvey Korman. And Harvey Korman would do this bit where he would come out. They were waiting for him on stage already. They were doing a bit, Carol Burnett and Ken Berry. You don't know who these people are, but it's—and Carol Burnett be looking at her watch like—and, then, Harvey Korman would walk in, and the audience would clap. And he would fake like he was being—like he had to go and bow to the audience. And they're waiting for him, and my father would lose his shit. He's like, "He can't do that. They are waiting for him onstage. But, no. But he going—he bow? Oscar, no! That son of a bitch. What is he—he can't—" And I'm like, "Oh, he's not really mad at him." He's laughing. And I'm like, "Harvey Korman is breaking the fourth wall." He's pretending to go, but that's all part of it. And I'm like, "I want to do this." I want to do whatever—it wasn't stand up. It's like sketch. And him and Tony Randall from The Odd Couple, from the TV show, those two guys influenced me. Yeah.
Dascha: Now, for both of you, those of us who are not comedians don’t ever think about the backstory of a joke—
Oscar: Losers.
Carlos: Oh, boy. Get it together.
Dascha: ...and how much work it takes to write a good joke. How do you come up with a joke, or the whole process?
Oscar: Carlos, you want to take that one?
Carlos: I think it depends. When you're doing improv, I think it's easier because you're going off of the other person. So you don't have to—you create whatever's in the moment. Stand up, I guess, you have an idea that's funny, and you try to develop it into something that makes sense. And then you try to put it in a, in a frequency that everybody can understand.
Oscar: That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work.
Dascha: Wow. Wow.
Oscar: I just call my writers.
Dascha: Wow.
Carlos: But, at some point, I would like to have a writer's room for daily life.
Dascha: Wow. That’s access. I would love to have a writer's room, too, Oscar.
Carlos: Yeah. That'd be nice to get that kind of money.
Dascha: Okay, goals.
Carlos: Office money.
Dascha: Well, I have a question about the difference of comedy that I thought would be interesting. How do you prepare for—or is it universal for you? Comedy in Latin America is different to comedy in America.
Oscar: Oh, absolutely.
Dascha: Okay, what is the difference, or is there, when you're preparing for your comedy, like the audience that you're delivering to? America versus Latin America, it's quite different. And I thought, do you? Do you just stick to one universal thing? Do you prepare differently for it?
Oscar: I don't know.
Carlos: I feel like you can have the same idea, but you have to deliver it way differently.
Oscar: Do you perform for—
Carlos: I've done stuff in Spanish. I do stand up in Spanish. And there are certain jokes that you can do in both languages, but you have to deliver them completely different, otherwise it doesn't work. You can't just translate something.
Dascha: Exactly. It doesn't deliver the same thing because there's some sayings that sometimes I say como que arroz que carne hay. You know, like—
Carlos: Arroz que carne hay. Do you know that means?
Dascha: You know, arroz que carne hay, I heard that a lot in my life.
Carlos: That's very Puerto Rican.
Dascha: That's, like, Puerto Rican.
Oscar: Say it again.
Carlos: Arroz que carne hay.
Dascha: Arroz que carne hay.
Carlos: And for those of you who don't know, that means that somebody's very attractive.
Dascha: Yeah. So there's—
Carlos: Arroz because there's already meat.
Oscar: Right.
Dascha: Yeah, so she's meaty.
Carlos: Can I get some rice? Can I get a side of rice because—
Oscar: Oh, got it. I got it. The meat's already here.
Carlos: Because arroz que carne hay.
Dascha: Yeah, that was my life.
Carlos: Because we have the meats. I don't know if we're sponsored by—
Dascha: So it doesn't make sense in English.
Carlos: No, it doesn't make sense in English.
Dascha: Right? So I just thought, "Hey, how do you prepare for that?"
Oscar: It took me a minute.
Dascha: You see?
Oscar: I don't perform for—I just do my thing or whatever. However, I do dance for specific—I do a dance for my Spanish audience when I do choreography, when I do dance. When I just tour dancing. Now, you guys don't—
Carlos: Dance in the pants. It's the different kind of pants [unintelligible 15:13].
Dascha: Do you twerk or?
Oscar: That was the bit. When I started, I knew it wasn't going anywhere.
Dascha: I would love to see Oscar twerk.
Oscar: No, Dascha, I'm not going to stand up.
Dascha: For the audiences.
Oscar: I'd have to be put in traction. No, that's interesting. So you do a whole set in Spanish? You do Spanish stand up? That's cool.
Carlos: Yeah. I didn't start improv in Spanish until, maybe, a few years ago. And what I realized is that it opened up my world even more. And I realized that, because Spanish is my first language, I was able to tap into something that I didn't before when I was doing it in English. So it was amazing.
Oscar: Because you grew up in Puerto Rico?
Carlos: I grew up. I was born and raised.
Dascha: That's amazing.
Oscar: How old were you when you came over?
Carlos: I was—after my freshman year of college, I was 18 or 19.
Oscar: Oh, dude, you were a man.
Carlos: I was a Latino man.
Oscar: So you really know Spanish.
Dascha: Yo, but your accent? I want to hear your Puerto Rican accent.
Carlos: That's because of cable TV, guys. I learned English watching TV. That's why—
Dascha: But I want to hear your Puerto Rican accent.
Carlos: Ah, que paso? Que quieres que te diga? Dime. Cuéntame.
Dascha: Nah. I want to hear that Puerto Rica accent.
Carlos: En inglés o en español?
Dascha: En español.
Carlos: A, pues dime. Que paso? [unintelligible 16:04] Que estápasando?
Dascha: Wow! Spendid!
Carlos: Nadie me lo cree. Nadie me lo cree que yo soy de Puerto Rico.
Dascha: Oh, my God.
Carlos: [Spanish 16:10]
Oscar: Do you guys still say embustero for lie?
Carlos: Embustero. Embustero. Diablo era bien Embustero.
Oscar: Embustero. And jugo china? So orange juice. They say it's—
Carlos: Jugo china. I had to correct myself. At a catering, I was like, "Is that jugo de naranja?"
Oscar: Instead of saying naranja, they say china, like China juice.
Dascha: Yeah, we do too.
Carlos: Yeah. China juice.
Oscar: That's adorable. You do, too?
Dascha: Yeah, we do, too.
Carlos: Cool.
Dascha: Dame de china. Naranja agria para the sour orange. You know, I have—
Oscar: I was in Puerto Rico when I was seven years old. And, when I graduated out of high school, I gave myself a vacation to Puerto Rico for two weeks.
Dascha: You speak Spanish?
Oscar: I have forgotten it a lot. I speak a little Spanish. I understand it.
Dascha: Do you have the little Cuban accent?
Oscar: Si yo hablo español, es con el acento cubano.
Dascha: Wow! I love that.
Carlos: El caballero. La corbata.
Dascha: We've been able to tame—maybe not me because, you know.
Oscar: And the Dominican's accent a little different, too.
Dascha: Tu sabe come es que la cosa a veces—
Carlos: Tu sabe.
Oscar: But we all understand each other.
Dascha: [Spanish 16:57] de un país. Tu sabe que se—
Carlos: Esa la Madeira. Estay ahí. De tigre.
Dascha: Es [Spanish 17:01]. They always say tigre but...
Oscar: Dominicans say tigre.
Dascha: Yeah, but, like, it's kind of annoying to me when they're like—
Carlos: They're trying to be like, "Hey, I know the accent."
Dascha: Oh, you're tigre? No.
Oscar: No.
Dascha: Because I don't be talking like that all the time. [Spanish 17:11].
Carlos: You don't, but a lot of people I know do.
Oscar: It's like, "Hey, dude, what's up?"
Dascha: Yeah.
Carlos: What's up. It's like, "I know English. This is my English accent."
[Music]
Dascha: We're going to get a little personal.
Carlos: Oh, we didn't already?
Oscar: What's happening?
Dascha: And we're going to talk about brown love. And we wanted to ask a little about your love lives. Okay? Whatever you're comfortable with. You don't have to go into the—I don't want to know all your details.
Oscar: How much detail?
Dascha: You don't have to tell me all the details. I don't want to hear all your details.
Carlos: You draw the line. You draw the line where you draw it, man.
Oscar: Okay.
Dascha: So, first off, what's your relationship status?
Carlos: I'm single right now.
Dascha: Wow. Okay. How do you say that in Spanish?
Carlos: Estoy soltero y sin compromiso. Soltero y sin compromiso.
Oscar: Soltero. You want something more?
Dascha: And what's your relationship status?
Oscar: I'm married.
Dascha: I got your wife's back. You know as Latin women, we stick together. Is your wife Latina?
Oscar: I have videos of our honeymoon that I'd like to share. No, she's not. She's American. She's a white—
Dascha: Interesting. Wow.
Carlos: She's a white American?
Dascha: Te buscaste una blanquita, una americana.
Oscar: She is. She's a white lady. My daughter, I think last year or something, we were sitting around—was it last year? She was six or five. And she said, "Mama, are you a white lady?" And we laughed.
Dascha: That's so cute.
Carlos: Was it in a positive way?
Oscar: Yeah, she was like, "You're a while lady." She was curious. And my wife's like, "Yes, I am. I am."
Dascha: And what does your daughter consider herself? Like, for her to ask that question, it's like...
Oscar: I don't know. She's half Cuban.
Dascha: But she knows she's half Cuban?
Oscar: Yeah. Yeah, I'm Cuban, so she's half Cuban.
Dascha: Well, that's beautiful.
Oscar: Well, the tests haven't come—I'm pretty positive. But the test, we're getting the test to see if it's indeed.
Carlos: Right. Right. We got to get the 23andMe involved.
Oscar: Yes. To see if she is indeed my daughter.
Dascha: I thought it was a paternity test. I was about to say this is not Maury, Oscar.
Oscar: It is. It is a paternity test, just to make sure. But we're pretty sure. So she's half Cuban.
Dascha: Can we talk about your dating life?
Carlos: What about you? What's your situation? Is it only on us?
Oscar: Oh, thank you, Carlos.
Dascha: I'm going to ask the question. I ask the question.
Oscar: Dasha?
Carlos: Flip it. Flip it. That's the flip it, Dasha.
Oscar: Nah, that's not fair.
Dascha: I ask the question.
Carlos: This is—she doesn't want to talk about it.
Dascha: You know, there's a lot of fish in the pond, and I'm the fisherwoman.
Carlos: Okay.
Dascha: You know what I mean?
Carlos: I think she's single. I think that's what that means.
Oscar: I followed that. That was a good analogy. I think she's single.
Dascha: It's a mystery.
Carlos: She's very successful in—okay, what?
Dascha: Do you have social media?
Oscar: No.
Carlos: I do. I do.
Dascha: You don't have social media, so I'm going—
Carlos: What do you have?
Dascha: Yeah, why don't you have—
Oscar: I have Twitter, and then I'm on Instagram. But people are like, "It's fake. It's a fake account." I'm like, "It's not fake." But I don't know how to respond to them.
Carlos: You don't have the check? You don't have the blue check?
Oscar: No.
Carlos: You should get that.
Dascha: Damn, you got to get verified, Oscar.
Carlos: You should get that.
Dascha: We're going to get [unintelligible 19:53] together.
Carlos: I’ve got to get verified, by the way. I'd like to get verified as soon as this show comes out. Can we—
Dascha: Once you answer you my questions.
Carlos: Okay, got it. Sorry. Here we go.
Dascha: So, I want to know is any crazy DM slides, any stories.
Oscar: What's a DM?
Carlos: A DM is a direct message.
Oscar: What is that?
Carlos: That happens in your inbox.
Dascha: Oscar.
Oscar: People send you a message?
Carlos: Yeah, they send you directly a message, not like a comment in a photo. But they go directly—
Dascha: Secretly.
Oscar: Who sends it? Who? Fans?
Oscar: People that are thirsty, usually? Thirsty people
Dascha: But fans.
Carlos: I mean that's the kind of question you're asking.
Oscar: What's thirsty?
Dascha: And somebody that wants to holler.
Carlos: Thirsty means super—
Dascha: You're dehydrated.
Carlos: ...attracted to you and just wanting to see if they can get with you.
Oscar: I get fan mail. I go to my manager's office once in a while, and we do the checks.
Dascha: Fan mail.
Oscar: I get a letter from Germany, and I write back.
Dascha: Do you get any women?
Oscar: Write it back. Put it on the pigeon.
Dascha: Wow.
Carlos: That's fantastic. Poor pigeons.
Dascha: That's how things used to—
Oscar: I don't do—you guys talk about the network stuff.
Carlos: The networking, you know.
Dascha: So obviously there's no online dating for you.
Carlos: No.
Oscar: That he wants to talk about.
Dascha: Is there online dating?
Oscar: Tell us about your DMs.
Carlos: I don't really—I'm not—
Dascha: You don't get no DMs?
Carlos: No.
Dascha: I don't believe you.
Carlos: Not yet. Maybe after this I can get that blue check.
Dascha: You're going to.
Carlos: If I can get that blue check, maybe.
Dascha: Maybe I'll be in DM—in your slot.
Oscar: Honestly, does it have to do with Grindr?
Carlos: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's for spices.
Oscar: Does DM have to do with Grindr?
Dascha: No, DM slides is just, like, how you communicate directly on social media. Dating sites is how you connect with people for the purpose of many, whether it's—
Oscar: Pick up the phone and call somebody. What's happening?
Carlos: No, that's not how it works anymore. Sorry.
Dascha: No.
Carlos: No.
Dascha: It actually kind of working, the dating things, right?
Carlos: But for me, I don't bring that out in girls, yet. It's very like—they don't get freaky, yet. I mean, I'm honest, if we're being honest. They're just like very, "Oh, thank you. You're very talented."
Oscar: There was a game called The Dating Game when I was growing up, and it was delightful.
Carlos: No.
Oscar: Three bachelors would sit on one—
Dascha: And so my game is not delightful right now? Brown Love is not delightful?
Oscar: I feel like I'm in a horse and buggy, and you guys are in jetpacks flying over me.
Dascha: But I have one for you, for people that are in a serious relationship, right? Do you remember your first kiss? How did you meet?
Oscar: How we met?
Dascha: With your wife, yes.
Oscar: Oh, gosh. She came to see at The Groundlings, I guess, like 15 years ago. We've known each other a long time. And she came with a friend, with a girl who I wanted to date. And that girl said, "Hey, come with me to go see Oscar." And then I dated that girl for 10 years. And then, eventually, ended up with my wife. We've always been with other people.
Dascha: Wow.
Carlos: Wait, you ended up—you did stay with that one girl for 10 years. And then you're like, "Hey, remember you came to my show 10 years ago?"
Oscar: We knew each other, but we've always been with different people.
Carlos: Oh, okay. I got it.
Oscar: We've always been with different people.
Carlos: But you put a pin on it?
Oscar: Yes. So we've known each other—
Dascha: So there was always that, like, an attraction?
Oscar: Yeah. We've known each other like, I said, 10, 15, like 20 years. We've always been with—and, now, we've been together like, I think, 10 years, maybe. We've been married eight. Our daughter's seven. Yeah.
Dascha: Wow.
Carlos: Wow.
Oscar: Yeah, you know, we waited. We were both mature when we had our little baby. And we had her at home.
Dascha: You had her at home?
Oscar: My wife hates hospitals.
Carlos: Did you do a water birth or just a—
Oscar: Yeah.
Carlos: ...just pop a squat?
Oscar: She sat in a thing of water, and the kid came out.
Carlos: That's awesome.
Dascha: And you were there?
Oscar: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was really cool.
Dascha: Oh, my God.
Oscar: Yeah, it was really, really cool.
Dascha: What's your daughter's name, if you don't mind?
Oscar: August.
Dascha: Was she born in August?
Oscar: No, October.
Carlos: See what he did there?
Oscar: We liked the name.
Carlos: You see what he did there?
Oscar: We like August Wilson, so we named her August.
Carlos: And they couldn't time it right. They had decided on the name before, but they didn't conceive. They had to conceive at a certain month, so that it would—and it didn't work out.
Oscar: Our timing was off, like Carlos said.
Dascha: And, now, my last question regarding love. Does your love cost a thing?
Oscar: You mean the implants? What have you heard?
Dascha: What implants?
Oscar: I had a rod inserted because I'm older.
Dascha: Where? What rod? Where?
Carlos: I know. You got the walker. You got the pump.
Oscar: It's like a garage opener. I click it.
Dascha: Wow.
Oscar: I click it down.
Dascha: I wish a lot of people would get rod inserts.
Oscar: I believe in mechanics, not medicine.
Carlos: Yeah. Hydraulics.
Oscar: Hydraulics.
Carlos: Hydraulics.
Dascha: Okay.
Carlos: My love don't cost a thing. Not yet. You know what I mean? I don't know what that means.
Oscar: No, I don't know what you mean. Why are you looking at me with your—
Dascha: Well, I mean—
Oscar: ...single-Latino eyes?
Carlos: You know what I'm saying.
Dascha: Well, I mean, you know how they say, like, you have priorities when you love somebody, right?
Carlos: Right.
Dascha: You look for certain, like—is it socio-economic status? What do you look for when you're speaking about love? Do you look for partnership?
Oscar: She has to say "yes."
Carlos: She has to be like my mother. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. She has to—what do I look for in a woman? She has to be loyal, I guess. I've had too many—we got serious.
Dascha: So loyalty.
Carlos: Loyalty's important, I think.
Dascha: For you, what was it about your wife?
Carlos: Oh, look at him having all the thoughts.
Oscar: You know, look. For guys, it's visual, the first one is visual. Then, the personality and all that. Someone has to be attractive, and then you're like, "Hey."
Dascha: Your wife is hot. Your wife is hot. Just say it. Just say it. Gosh.
Oscar: Yeah, she's kind of a—she's attractive, yes.
Dascha: Then, that's good.
Oscar: That's a good thing.
Dascha: That's a good thing.
Carlos: I feel like you're almost, like—you're like ashamed. Like, yeah, she's hot.
Oscar: Yes. Well, because you want to be more than that. You want to be, "Oh, no. The feeling." No, it's—
Carlos: Bro, it's a good way to start.
Oscar: It's a good way to start. Thank you.
Dascha: Say it. It's like a flower. The bees. The pollination. That's it.
Oscar: Yes. That's right.
Dascha: That’s it, something beautiful.
Carlos: How? Explain. Explain.
Dascha: The beautiful petals.
Oscar: You see the petals from far away.
Carlos: Oh, the petals—that the bee sees the petals.
Dascha: And, then, the bee goes and puts the pollen in.
Oscar: And then you see the bee.
Carlos: And, then, like, let's get into that pollen.
Dascha: Yeah, pollination happens.
Oscar: And then you go, "Do I want to smell that flower?"
Carlos: Do I want to smell the flower or do I want to pluck it because that's a toxic relationship.
Dascha: I can't with you.
Oscar: You go too far. You go too far.
Dascha: I can't with you.
Carlos: That's a toxic relationship. It's toxic.
Oscar: I said smell. You said pluck.
Carlos: It's violent.
Dascha: And you said rod.
Oscar: I said smell and then taste.
Carlos: And then you taste it. There's some flowers you can eat.
[Music]
Dascha: It's a game, and I like to call it Hispandering.
Carlos: Hispandering.
Dascha: And what we're going to do is that we're going to play clips of different politicians pandering to Latino households, and you all are going to guess who said the thing and rate how cringy they are with our cringe-o-meter. Let's roll out the first one.
Carlos: Roll it out. Go ahead.
[Clip of political speech]
Oscar: Oh, I know who this is, and I like him a lot.
Carlos: Too bad.
Oscar: His Spanish was crazy. He tried.
Carlos: Atacado.Atacado.
Dascha: I didn't know. I was like—I think I was—
Oscar: But I love him. I love him. I know who it is. Do you know who it is?
Carlos: Yeah. Is it Beto?
Oscar: It's Beto.
Carlos: Beto.
Oscar: Are we wrong?
Carlos: Wasn't it Beto? It sounded like Beto.
Dascha: No. That was—
Oscar: What?
Dascha: ...that was not Beto.
Carlos: But we were both wrong, and that's good.
Oscar: I thought it was Beto.
Dascha: That was not Beto. I'm going to tell who it is. That was Cory Booker answering—
Carlos: Ah, con razon.
Oscar: Cory Booker.
Dascha: ...a question in Spanish at the Democratic debates.
Carlos: Atacado.
Oscar: He shouldn't speak Spanish.
Dascha: I thought there was something wrong with the connection.
Carlos: Or he choked on something.
Dascha: In marbles.
Carlos: Atacado.
Oscar: He tried.
Carlos: He tried, but he choked.
Oscar: It was too guttural.
Dascha: So what's the cringe-o-meter? From one to—
Carlos: From one to choke? I would say—
Dascha: From one to grinding your teeth, what's the cringe-o-meter?
Oscar: From one to grinding to your teeth?
Carlos: What's the middle?
Oscar: What's the middle?
Dascha: The middle is—
Oscar: Okay.
Carlos: Holding your mouth shut?
Dascha: Yeah.
Oscar: Holding your mouth shut.
Carlos: I would say holding your mouth shut.
Oscar: Yeah, because there's got to be worse. We can't give grinding—
Carlos: This is cannot be the Walmart of the—yeah.
Oscar: ...if we're starting the game.
Dascha: Well, let's see. Let's go on to the second one.
Oscar: Okay.
[Clip of political speech]
Oscar: Is that Beto, Carlos?
Carlos: Is that Beto? Is that Beto?
Dascha: That's Beto.
Carlos: That's Beto. Much better.
Oscar: That's great.
Carlos: Much better.
Oscar: That was beautiful. That was beautiful.
Dascha: That was good. I think that that's somebody, like, really—
Oscar: I understood every word.
Dascha: Yeah.
Carlos: Yeah. The conjugations are a little off. That's when it starts to get a little crazy.
Dascha: But he kind of corrected himself, right?
Carlos: Yeah. Yeah. Politicians, you need to stay away from conjugation.
Dascha: Not as cringy. Not bad.
Oscar: No, that was very good.
Carlos: Yeah.
Oscar: He's a good guy, man.
Carlos: Not like, "Atacado."
Oscar: And Cory's a good guy, too, for the record.
Dascha: Yeah.
Carlos: Yeah, he's great.
Dascha: But we're not basing it on that.
Oscar: No. No. No. No. No. No.
Carlos: No. No. There's no emotional connection.
Dascha: We're basing it on—we're basing it on his pandering.
Carlos: No, we're totally [unintelligible 28:02].
Oscar: [unintelligible 28:03] It's the game.
Carlos: That's it.
Dascha: Roll the next one, maestro.
[Clip of political speech]
Carlos: She wants us to know that she's not only la Hillary?
Oscar: Oh, that was it, just that one word?
Dascha: Yeah.
Oscar: Oh.
Carlos: She's dos Hillary's? She's two of them?
Dascha: Tu Hillary.
Carlos: Ah, mírala, with the pronouns.
Oscar: Closed mouth, I guess. It wasn't [unintelligible 28:30]. What was that from? The last time she ran?
Carlos: 2016.
Oscar: 2016
Dascha: That was for Hillary's event in—actually, you guys were close. In San Antonio, Texas, in 2015.
Carlos: Oh.
Oscar: Right on.
Carlos: There was still hope.
Dascha: It's not over.
Carlos: It's not over?
Dascha: No. No. No.
Carlos: There's still hope.
Dascha: Next.
[Clip of political speech]
Oscar: Tía, you're embarrassing me.
[End of clip]
Oscar: Come here, let me feel your pussy. They said we can curse.
Carlos: Yeah, they said we can say—yeah.
Oscar: He said, "You're totally beautiful." That's his next line. That's his opening line, "You're beautiful. Come here."
Carlos: I swear, that was so cringey. But not—
Oscar: Who was that woman?
Carlos: Who was that?
Dascha: That's who I'm interested in to know. I don't care who, who the other guy was. Who was that woman?
Oscar: I said, "Tía, you're embarrassing me," which means, "Auntie, you're embarrassing me," when she was—
Carlos: Auntie.
Dascha: What's the cringe-worthy meter—we can even put a meter on it.
Carlos: There's not a meter on it.
Oscar: No, that lady's crazy. That lady's nuts.
Dascha: Next. Can you play the next one?
Carlos: That lady—can I tell you something? She sounds like she's giving us code. She's coding saying, "I'm not well. Please save me—"
Dascha: Oh.
Oscar: Good. Nice.
Carlos: ...by what's she saying. She's like, "Vote for him."
Dascha: Let's save that for the next show.
Carlos: But the way, the pitch is saying she's in danger.
Oscar: Oh, my God.
Dascha: That one doesn't count. We should throw that one away.
Carlos: My life depends on saying this. Tengo que decirlo. Vote for Trump.
Dascha: Next.
[Clip of political speech]
Oscar: Tequila. Say tequila. Just say tequila. Why are you—
Carlos: I think he wanted to say taquito. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Oscar: I love that.
Carlos: How to unpack—how to unpack it?
Oscar: He doesn't speak Spanish. He's just hitting the words.
Carlos: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oscar: Tacos.
Carlos: He's looking at a menu.
Oscar: Burritos.
Dascha: But his delivery?
Carlos: Tequila and taquitos. No, everything leading up to the food—
Oscar: It's Barack, man. Barack.
Carlos: There's something about people just saying food, and...
Oscar: He did the accent. He did the dad accent.
Carlos: The taco and the tequila and the taquito.
Oscar: He's not speaking Spanish.
Dascha: He's reading.
Oscar: He was saying words in Spanish. He said a couple of words in Spanish.
Dascha: Is it cringe worthy?
Carlos: A little bit.
Dascha: I think it's kind of, like, amusing.
Oscar: A little bit.
Dascha: I think that one is a little bit—
Carlos: Half of it is fine. And, then, as soon as starts with the food, it's like—
Oscar: But he knows when to stop. He didn't launch into a phrase like Cory Booker, you know what I'm saying?
Dascha: But do you think that he's going to eat those?
Carlos: Atacado. Atacado.
Oscar: He's knows enough notto do that.
Dascha: All right, let's hear the last one.
[Clip of political speech]
Oscar: He's just showing off, now.
Carlos: Okay, fade out.
Oscar: I don't know who that is. Is that Pence?
Dascha: No.
Oscar: Who is that?
Carlos: Who's that?
Dascha: That was Jeb Bush wishing everyone a happy Cinco De Mayo.
Carlos: Oh, but he's married.
Oscar: His wife is Mexican.
Carlos: He's married, yeah.
Oscar: Yeah, that's good Spanish.
Carlos: Until he said honorable. There's some words—he's like...
Dascha: But we got to give some credit because there's so many syllables.
Oscar: No, those are hard words, man.
Dascha: And, on that note, let's end this with a little brindis.
Oscar: Prayer? Thank, God. A toast?
Dascha: A toast. And, so, thank you guys so much for being part of this and celebrating.
Carlos: Thank you.
Oscar: Thank you for having us.
Dascha: Thank you for allowing me to—
Carlos: Thank you for hosting us in your place.
Dascha: Thank you. One wish for the next decade for our Latin community.
Carlos: Amen.
Oscar: Get out there and vote, everyone. Get out there and vote.
Carlos: Please, we beg you.
Oscar: Register to vote and vote.
Carlos: It's online. You can do it.
Dascha: Be proud. Know your rights.
[Music]
Dascha: This is apple juice, guys.
Oscar: It's tasty though.
Dascha: It is. It tastes mad good, right now.
Oscar: It feels some bubbles.
Carlos: It's nice.
[Music]
Dascha: This show was produced by Netflix and Con Todo in partnership with FuturoStudios. If you like what you heard, be sure to rate and subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. And don't forget to follow @contodonetflix on Instagram and Twitter for all things Latin excellence on Netflix. Join me next week to hear a conversation about that third-culture kid life. I've been your host, Dascha Polanco. Hasta la próxima, mi gente.
Carlos: Should we do ASMR?
Dascha: Yeah. Ready?
Carlos: Okay, so, this is really good apple.
Oscar: This is yum.
Carlos: This is really delicious. Let me just take a little sip right here.
Dascha: Oh, I know how to slurp.
Carlos: Oh, my gosh, this is so good. This is so good. And, now—
Dascha: This could be like a whole intro.